A Festive Hack or a Public Nuisance? My Meeting with the Hunt

Ah, the Boxing Day Hunt – that charming spectacle where tradition meets a total disregard for everyone else on the bridleway. How delightful to encounter the alpha redcoat, who generously allowed me some space before the rest of the merry field boxed me against the fence. Nose to tail they rode, oblivious to the fact that not everyone enjoys being part of an equestrian conga line. Even the Shetland ponies bringing up the rear and draped in festive tinsel, were a picture of intimidation, especially under the command of their young riders, who exuded the confidence of someone piloting a runaway shopping trolley.

Next up is the pièce de résistance: the hounds. Controlled – if we can use that word – by another redcoat, they thoughtfully ignored me, being far too engrossed in the scents of the hedgerows. Such charm. And then, of course, the final act: the followers in their 4x4s, initially crawling along but the latecomers accelerating as I neared Fletcher’s Farm, presumably desperate not to miss the parade of traditional cosplay.

Meanwhile, a Guardian article this morning has helpfully reminded us that the Hunting Act of 2004 is little more than a decorative legal accessory. Animal welfare groups, bless them, continue to campaign for tighter regulations, pointing out that “trail hunting” is a delightful euphemism for “foxhunting but with plausible deniability.” The National Trust and Ministry of Defence have already banned this farce on their lands, but apparently, the countryside remains a playground for the creatively lawless.

The League Against Cruel Sports would like hunters to, you know, follow the law and stop terrorising wildlife, livestock, and, well, anyone else in their path. A shocking suggestion, I am sure. They argue that genuine trail hunting would not result in endless incidents of trespass, destruction, and mayhem, but here we are.

As for today’s hunt, I am absolutely certain that no laws would have been bent, twisted, or shattered in full public view. Much too risky for this Boxing Day charade. Mid-week hunts in quieter corners? Well, let us not dwell on those. Of course, hunters could still enjoy their precious traditions without the dogs or the wildlife harassment – just a nice ride across the countryside in silly outfits. Imagine: no quad-bike thugs, no legal loopholes to exploit, and maybe even landowners welcoming riders back. A win-win, but naturally, far too sensible for the hunting set.