“Take Me To The Forest”

In a move that is sure to leave the squirrels bewildered, the National Portfolio Organisations‘ Wild Rumpus and Festival of Thrift have unveiled their grand plan to transform the tranquil forests of Guisborough into a festival of organised anarchy.

They are calling it “Take Me To The Forest,” a spectacle destined to overwhelm the senses of any nature lover daring enough to attend. Promising woodland raves, forest feasts, and who knows what else, it is the perfect antidote for anyone who finds the great outdoors simply too peaceful. The invitation is clear: abandon the quiet and embrace the noise, the crowds, and—undoubtedly—the mud. Bring your dancing shoes, full waterproofs, and your enthusiasm for whatever may transpire in the heart of Guisborough Woods.

I confess, I read the announcement with a mixture of disbelief and trepidation. A festival, next May, aimed at spreading creativity and joy through art, music, and immersive natural experiences. Concerts, feasts, rituals, and land art installations will, they assure us, delight the “wonderful people” of Guisborough, all of whom must be chomping at the bit to be “immersed in the magic and wonder of the natural world” in “unique and imaginative ways.” Personally, I can hardly contain my excitement at the thought of these “incredible fleeting venues” hosting woodland raves alongside folk horror films in what I am sure will be seamless harmony.

Of course, I could be mistaken. Perhaps it is only my inner Victor Meldrew surfacing. Fortunately, it will coincide with our usual escape to Scotland—where the forests, at least, remain un-raved.